D#8, HW#5, Grammar Assignment

The areas I've chosen to improve is using commas and I don't know what's its properly called, but I use the same words a lot in my writing. To learn more about how to improve these grammatical errors, I read the suggestions at this website: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/. I followed the suggestions to revise my introductory and conclusion paragraphs in my annotated bibliography. My introductory paragraph has been revised to:

The topic I have chosen to write about is poverty in The United States of America. In the U.S. today, the government provides little aid to people suffering in poverty. These unfortunate people receive even less aid from their fellow American citizens. In this society, few people are regularly active in aiding the needy. These few people who are in favor of helping may be working in shelter homes, volunteering at various charitable organizations, making items such as quilts in their own homes, and performing other similar services. There are also people in the middle who may volunteer once in a while, or not at all, but do not shun those in who need help. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who do not care. These people may feel that everybody gets what they deserve, and do not want to aid those in poverty.

My conclusion paragraph has been revised to this:

Although poverty is a ongoing issue in America, I have read about a few ways that the government has stepped in to aid. Aside from the welfare program, they provides special preschools for children living under the economic standards and are currently working on improving these programs to allow children in poverty to gain higher levels of achievement. While studying these programs I have gained a higher respect for the government and their willingness to aid the children. However, it is still not enough. While children are receiving more aid, adults are receiving much less. Government aid needs to be available to people of all ages who need it under all circumstances. Different aid would need to apply to those who have lost their jobs unexpectedly than to those who are drug abusers. It has, however, been difficult to find books or articles that are against aiding poverty. These resources will be easier to obtain by interviewing.

After revising these paragraphs I learned that if I spend more time on them, they become much better! I learned that I can substitute words so there is not a lot of the same word next to each other. And I also saw a few places that needed/didn't need commas.