D#13, HW#1, Grammar Assignment

I haven't really had a lot of trouble with any particular grammar area, but I make random mistakes in probably every category! So I looked through my paragraphs in my final research paper and found two with mistakes and revised them. I used the OWL website as a guideline for the corrections. In the first paragraph I changed some of my word usage. I repeated the same words multiple times and it didn't flow right. In the second paragraph I chose to focus on word choice again. I decided I wanted to use different words other than the word homeless so much.

Original Paragraph
We, as Americans, are given the ability to vote. Several people, however, do not take advantage of it. Unlike several countries, Americans have the power to pass or petition laws. By carefully choosing the laws that are passed, Americans can make the difference in the lives of others, in their own lives, and the lives of those in poverty. When people do not vote, they are placing their future in the hands of those that do vote, who may have a different opinion.
Revised Paragraph:
We, as Americans, are given the ability to vote. Several citizens, however, do not take advantage of this right. Unlike many countries, Americans have the power to pass or petition laws. By carefully choosing the laws that are passed, Americans can make the difference in the lives of others, in their own lives, and the lives of those in poverty. When people do not vote, they are placing their future in the hands of those that do vote, who may have a different opinion.

Original Paragraph:
Changes also need to be made to accommodate the homeless. Right now the government requires that you provide an address on the welfare application. If a homeless person does not have a family member or a friend’s address that they can provide, they are not eligible to receive government aid. This ensures that the homeless will stay homeless and does not help them in any way. Instead of receiving their money or food stamps by mail, they can be held at the post office for the person to pick up, or at a local government office.
Revised Paragraph:
Changes also need to be made to accommodate the homeless. On the current welfare application, the government requires that you provide an address. If a person does not have a home, a family member or a friends address that they can provide, they are not eligible to receive government aid. This ensures that those without a home will stay homeless and does not help them in any way. Instead of needing an address to receive their money or food stamps by mail, their coupons and checks can be held at a local post office or government building for the person to pick up.